The Roots of Substance Abuse
by Michael Astor, M.A. • Glen Cove

Many of us are deeply concerned about the extent of substance abuse affecting our children. We may be fearful for their health, well being and futures. As a society, we have tried many approaches, from the "Just Say No" campaign to education, to discipline, to psychological help, yet the problem continues to escalate. Some of us may have become spies in our children’s lives, in many cases creating greater distance and alienation.

Why is this problem continuing to grow? What are our children trying to tell us? What is missing in their lives, and perhaps in ours, that substance abuse provides?

It is my experience that human nature is basically good, kind and loving when given a fair chance. Our basic impulses are the essence of our souls, trying to make the best of being in this world. Many times our impulses get distorted and twisted as they try to manifest into our lives, often as a result of early wounding and traumatic experiences. Just as a plant would grow straight and true if given a nurturing environment, so too would we humans.
We have all seen plants and trees that are twisted and bent because they were bruised, cut or wounded, yet they still reach for the light. We need to look beneath the substance abuse to the life current that feeds it. Our children are trying to feel good through their use of substances. While some experimentation may be natural and acceptable (if we are honest, we’ll admit to our own experiences,) what concerns us is the self-destructive abuse of alcohol or drugs.

It may be that in order to feel good, our children– by nature sensitive beings– are finding it necessary to use substances to put aside some of their discordant feelings. I suggest that part of the problem is the denial of our own feelings that we have chosen to suppress, believing that we must do so to survive. Avoidance of our own feelings may be reflected in both our children’s drug abuse and in our strident responses to them. Maybe our children are responding to the inherent hypocrisy that they confront on a daily basis.

Our responses to our children’s concerns about the world range from "Don’t worry about it," "Get over it," "I have to make a living," to pretending the problems don’t exist. We drive around in our tank-like vehicles, ignoring the health of the planet, and yet speak to our children about protecting the environment. As a culture, we tease our children with semi-nude seductive advertisements and then fault them for looking for superficial or sexual fulfillment. We extol morality and ethics, but the news is full of glorifying images of those who make fortunes on the backs of others through fraud and deception. The ethics and morality of our respected religious leaders are in question. We ignore the pain and starvation rampant in the world and even in our own culture while we drown in our material glut. Not to speak of the fear and anxiety left by 9/11.

What are they to think? We teach them to ignore their hearts and follow in our footsteps. With all of that on their shoulders, they are maintaining a pre-carious balance. When we add on to that some of the traditional risk factors, such as divorce, death, illness or family disharmony, we push many children over the edge.

By attacking the substance abuse without addressing these issues, we attack our children’s essential drive to feel good. We are telling them that their basic impulses are wrong, unrealistic and immature, creating within them a conflict that generates anger and pain. We are setting the stage for low self-esteem and a basic sense of feeling wrong about themselves.

If we are at least honest and admit to our children and ourselves the ambivalence and self-questioning we feel about our way of life, we give them validation of the pain that they see around them, instead of telling them they are wrong for being compassionate. We must recognize that there is a growing need that is not being met in our schools, our religious institutions and our homes. We can respond with love and compassion to our children, who are clearly in pain, instead of seeing them as disobedient, lazy and bad.

Instead of repressing or punishing the need to feel better, a method that always backfires, we can find a way to transform the need into a healthy source of growth. There is a drastic difference between repressing a need and transforming it. Repression leads to rigidity and intolerance while transformation leads to more acceptance and love. We need to adjust our schools to accommodate what is manifesting as a universal need, rather than keep trying unsuccessfully to suppress our children to make them accommodate to an inflexible system. We need to look deeply and honestly within ourselves and share our fears and vulnerability with our children.

Michael Astor, MA has practiced as a MFCC for 15 years. He is currently enrolled in an MSW program at Adelphi University and is a counselor at Port Counseling Center, a substance abuse agency in Port Washington working with adolescents and adults. He can be reached at (516) 676-1587.