Scott Stabile, who authored our lead article councils, “If you want to change lives, be kind.” While he’s obviously talking about extending kindness to others, this is no less a vital recommendation to ourselves as well. Playing off our cover title, we must practice “Big self Love,” before we attempt to send it out to the world. My wife, Andrea learned this first-hand; here she recounts her “lost summer”:

This past June, a doctor told me I was carrying a few viruses (Epstein-Barr, Adeno, plus a couple of flus) along with Candida, Y. Enterocolitica, and H. Pylori, which were causing an autoimmune situation that let to hyperthyroidism. This diagnosis took me by surprise, as up until that time I was feeling well. Three months prior, I did notice a lump in my throat. I treated it with oregano oil, and it seemed to go away, only to return again and repeat this pattern over the next two months. Eventually, my teeth and my right ear started to hurt — I went to the dentist, got a full set of X-rays—nothing wrong. Two weeks later, I went to an ENT doctor who put a camera up my nose and down my throat (what fun!). He also saw nothing wrong.

The “lump” sensation continued. One week later, while visiting my mom, I noticed I had a fever. That afternoon, I went to bed and it all “hit the fan.” My thyroid gland became extremely swollen and tender. Blood tests indicated hyperthyroidism. A sonogram revealed an inflammed and swollen thyroid and the EKG showed a type of heart arrhythmia pattern. For two weeks I had daily fevers of 103. Afraid, but unwilling to run to mainstream medicine, whose “cures” included irradiating the thyroid to “kill” it, and then surgery if that didn’t work, I researched and tried every natural remedy and supplement that seemed appropriate. Nothing worked. By the guidance of grace, I found a naturopathic doctor who recommended rest and utilized homeopathic tinctures which relieved the acute symptoms within two weeks.

As the viruses began to die off, I became too tired to walk. I managed to do some yoga on the floor, but after a time, even that became too exhausting and painful. chaos.

Reflecting upon how I arrived at this health crisis, I realized that the whole experience was a powerful lesson in selfcare. My 90 year-old mother is suffering from Dementia, and even though she is in Assisted Living, I had been busy taking her on outings, doctor visits, handling her personal business, etc. She has gone to the emergency room over 18 times in the past year due to falls. On separate occasions, she has broken her arm, broken her thumb, broken her nose and fractured bones in her face, had the flu (after two flu shots), and had a stroke, amongst other things. I received calls at all hours—night and day—when these incidents occurred and after a time, I could feel my body tense up each time the phone rang.

I had been so busy taking care of my mother’s needs and ignoring my own health, that finally, I had been stopped in my tracks. It took some time, but I finally realized that as much as I love my mother, part of what was driving me was guilt—I often felt that I was not doing enough for her. It has been difficult for me to accept that I am not in charge, that I can indeed trust in a higher power and that my mother is on her own path. These are things that I believe, and share in my yoga classes, but I became forgetful when it came to releasing guilt and applying trust in my own life.

Over the course of the summer, while lying around, I had a lot of time to think. I saw that each day, before my illness, I would try to get as much accomplished as possible in order to feel worthwhile. Most often, I felt disappointed that I didn’t do enough; didn’t get through enough points on that long, never ending “To Do” list. I did enjoy teaching my yoga classes—they were an oasis in the storm, but adding those on to everything else felt like too much.

Before I got sick, I would try to do A, B, C, D, E, F and G, and be annoyed with myself if I didn’t complete ALL those tasks. However, as I got better, I found I may accomplish A and B and possibly C, and I am still learning that is enough. Doing more does not make me a better person. (I was already aware of this on an intellectual level—ah, but to put it into practice!) Our culture promotes doing as much as possible, multi-tasking, etc., and if you can’t keep up, there are enough energy drinks, caffeine and medication to keep one in the “busy loop.” This illness finally caused me to let everything go and gave me the space to consider, “Do I want to continue the rest of my life this way?” The answer was a resounding “NO!”

So how did we all get to this point? Does anyone remember that when personal computers came on the scene, part of their “beauty” was that they would give us more leisure time? How far are we from that scenario?

What engine drives us forward, focuses our eyes and minds on small screens that have gained such great importance that we lose ourselves in them? Our window of time to “just be” has become even smaller—some of us may not have a window at all. How sad.

With all of this busyness, when do we have the time to connect with our higher Selves, with Spirit/God? That is truly where all the important information is coming from. In an age of profound disinformation, we must turn inwards to seek truth; to measure info from the outside world against what we know within; using our inner guidance system. If we, one by one, make the decision to set aside some time to sit quietly, perhaps in nature, and tune into the light and love that is all around us and in us, we can begin to make changes towards a more peaceful and mindful existence. (Remember the slogan, “Just say no”?) Everything we do effects the whole, so by taking care of ourselves, we become the change we wish to see, creating a new healthier and happier world.

Namaste,
Neil and Andrea

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