Money. We love it. We hate it. We want more of it. We wish we didn’t need it.

For many of us, it’s a constant source of anxiety . . . and arguments with our loved ones. If we don’t have much money, we’re struggling to get more. If we do have money, we’re struggling to figure out how to keep it. And then, how to manage it.

Does money have to be such a source of anxiety? No! Can our relationship with it be less complicated? Yes! How am I so sure? Because I’ve lived it. I’ve worked through a lot of dysfunction about money and come out the other side. And I’ve helped many others resolve crippling issues with money as well.

Maybe you’re dealing with some of the same issues, and you’re stuck in a pattern like one of these:

• You’re scared of financial ruin, so you avoid looking at your credit card bills or reconciling your bank statements.

• You’re staying in an unhappy relationship because you’re afraid you can’t support yourself.

• You’re racking up debt, and you’re worried you’ll never be able to pay it off.

• You make enough money to get by, but you can’t seem to save any.

• You have money, but you feel uncomfortable and afraid to spend it. No amount ever feels like enough.

Or any number of other scenarios . . .

Maybe you’ve read all the (many) financial books out there. They make sense to you, but they don’t seem to work for you. What’s the problem?

Let me explain. The issue with most financial books is that they teach you how to change what you do with your money. They give you advice about how and where to invest, how the stock market works, how to get out of credit card debt, and how to tell the difference between the various types of funds and trusts.

The real key to creating financial freedom isn’t about changing what you do. It’s about changing how you feel. And that requires more than just learning how to invest. But what about the books on manifesting? Maybe you’ve diligently written your daily abundance affirmations, but still, nothing has changed. Shouldn’t that have worked? Sigh. Are you doomed? Of course not!

Affirmations and manifesting exercises are great, but on their own they don’t get to the core issues. They skim the surface without changing how we feel on a deep level. And what we feel is the key missing piece! But once we work on our core issues, affirmations can be very helpful.

The Self-Worth Secret

In order to truly deal with our money issues, we need to go deep within and explore not just our feelings about money—but also our feelings about ourselves. That’s because at heart, money issues are really issues of self-worth. In other words, our self-worth determines our net worth.

Until we truly feel worthy—deep inside— of the great life we desire, we won’t feel worthy of money on the outside. When we don’t feel worthy on the inside, we develop patterns that prevent us from having the money we want and need. For example, even if we get ourselves out of debt . . . we just build up more debt. Why would anybody do that? Well, they wouldn’t do it on purpose. But these kinds of patterns are tenacious because they’re created by unconscious feelings and negative beliefs that took hold in childhood.

In fact, our sense of self-worth is created when we’re very young. As a result, some of us aren’t even aware that we don’t feel worthy inside. We carry unconscious beliefs about ourselves like “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m not lovable,” or “Other people are better than I am.” These beliefs of unworthiness then drive our behaviors in all sorts of ways. Somebody with self-worth issues might want to go for a promotion but feel intimidated by the competition. This person might say, “Four other people are applying for that promotion? Oh . . . then I won’t have a chance. I won’t even put my name in the running.”

The mash-up of money and self-worth issues starts early—and that’s why we have to begin by uncovering those old worth issues from childhood. If we don’t unwind the tangle of emotions and beliefs and fears that got encoded back then, we’ll stay in a dysfunctional relationship with money . . . not to mention a dysfunctional relationship with ourselves. And it won’t matter how many affirmations we write, or how much we learn about economics.

“Net Worth” and “Financial Freedom” Defined

I want to define a couple of phrases that are bandied about a lot when people talk about money. First, let’s talk about net worth. When I use this phrase, I don’t just mean the amount of money you have or the assets you own. I’d never say that owning a lot of stuff or building up a huge stock portfolio is the key to happiness. When I use “net worth,” I really mean the degree of richness, juiciness, and fulfillment you have in all areas of your life, not just your bank account. Do you feel rich in your relationships? Do you have a wealth of activities you enjoy?

“High” net worth is a feeling of wholeness. In other words, I don’t just want you to have more money, I want you to be free to create the life that makes you happy— whatever that means to you.

I like a quote by comedian Chris Rock on this subject: Wealth is not about having a lot of money. It’s about having a lot of options. If you have a high net worth, you have an abundance of opportunities.

What about “financial freedom”? Some people define it as having “plenty” of money (whatever that means to each individual) with investments that grow and with multiple revenue streams. For me, to be financially free means I’m no longer stuck in the dysfunctional patterns and belief system that kept me struggling to pay my bills or get out of debt. I’m not dependent upon somebody else for my money. And I don’t spend my days feeling afraid I’m not going to have enough money—even when I’m doing just fine.

Financial freedom means being relaxed about money. Just stop for a second and imagine what that would feel like. Even people we call “rich” aren’t necessarily relaxed about money. So instead of financial freedom, let’s call it “financial ease.”

What would financial ease look like? It would mean no longer being a slave to self-worth issues that cause problems with net worth. With financial ease, we’d have that wealth of opportunities. We’d no longer have the stress about money that takes so much energy away from the joys of life. We’d be able to do the things that supply that juiciness, that fulfillment, that wholeness I described. And creating this full spectrum of high net worth starts with knowing that you’re not just worthy of a life of financial ease. You’re worthy of a life that makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

So if you have a problem with money, you need to look at what lies beneath. Suze Orman puts it this way: “You can’t fix a financial problem with money. You can only fix a financial problem by fixing yourself … You always have to go within to see why you are doing without.”

Reprinted from Worthy – Boost Your Self-Worth to Grow Your Net Worth ©2016 by Nancy Levin, with permission of Hay House, Inc.

Nancy Levin, best-selling author of Jump... And Your Life Will Appear and Writing For My Life, is a Master Integrative Coach and the creator of the JUMP Coaching and WORTHY Coaching Programs, working with clients—privately and in groups—to design lives in alignment with their own truth and desires. She was the event director at Hay House for 12 years and hosts her own weekly call-in show Jump Start Your Life on Hay House Radio. Nancy received her MFA in Creative Writing and Poetics from Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado, and she continues to live in the Rocky Mountains. You can visit her online at www.nancylevin.com.