It is never easy to let go of someone you love. Change is often harder than we want to admit. Whether it’s death, divorce or another form of separation, trying to move on brings grief and sadness for the joy and connection that’s passed. Or for the unresolved hurt and misunderstanding we’ve felt. But we would not be on the edge of release if it were not meant to be for our highest good.

Sometimes we outgrow a relationship. Sometimes a person outgrows us. Sometimes it’s just someone’s time to go. Either way we are forced to befriend the parts of us we have abandoned, rejected or denied in exchange for love, comfort or companionship. We are challenged to step into the unknown and to trust this is as it is meant to be.

We are all asked by life, the universe and God to come home to ourselves eventually, whether it’s through the death of a relationship or in our physical death. Holding on to someone who limits us or feels limited by us only causes pain. Our underlying fears and insecurities must be healed for us to truly be healthy, happy and free.

In my personal life as well as my professional work with thousands of people, I have found that there is only one effective approach to letting go. This often forgotten key entails becoming clear about what we actually want in life now, expressing it to the Universe or God, and moving toward it, while focusing our time and energy on what makes us feel good, alive and well each day. We have to train ourselves to choose activities and relationships we can fully be ourselves in, as opposed to ones where we feel compromised or obliged to please.

As you become more accustomed to focusing on things that make you feel good daily, you will naturally move away from anyone or anything that is not healthy for you, without feeling guilty. Those people who are meant to be with you on your destined path will organically come with you, while those who limit you, do not meet you, or do not value you, will naturally be left behind. Through this process, every unresolved emotion, limiting belief or incomplete situation that needs to be transformed will naturally surface to be addressed when the time is right. Your only task becomes feeling everything that’s present, regardless of how painful or scary, and then making a conscious choice to speak and act honestly, kindly, and respectfully based on your heart’s truth and instinct now.

You’re the only person who can give yourself permission to live fully before your time comes to let go of your body in this lifetime. Are you finally ready to stop making yourself wrong for wanting to be happy, knowing it’s ok to be free to enjoy your precious days as much as possible before you’re forced to let go of everything and everyone?

Blake D. Bauer is an internationally recognized author, counselor, qi gong master and alternative medicine practitioner. His bestselling book You Were Not Born To Suffer and pioneering work focus on loving yourself unconditionally as the key to healing yourself, fulfilling your life’s purpose, and awakening spiritually. Bringing together what he’s found to be the most effective spiritual practices and holistic approaches to wellbeing, Blake’s work has successfully guided thousands of people internationally toward greater health and freedom in mind and body.