Eight years ago this April, my mom transitioned out of the physical realm. But this “Talk” is not about lamenting grief and loss. This is about celebrating a life lived with purpose and passion; a life lived with deep caring and a genuine desire to make other people’s lives better — a caring that extended well beyond her family.

Maria Carmella didn’t simply talk a good game. She “walked the walk” with a generosity of heart and deed. From my earliest years, mom took in and cared for children in difficult circumstances (relatives and non-relatives), for extended stays.

It’s an ironic and amusing twist, that after years of having epic “disagreements” with my mom, I now find myself quoting her on an almost daily basis: It’s so much easier to be nice, than nasty. Holding a grudge is a waste of time and energy. Focus on all the good. Everything will work out for the best. She often needed to remind me that I “didn’t appreciate how good I had it.” I do now.

Decades before “gratitude” became the buzzword in new thought circles, my mom was a living example of how not to dwell on problems and disappointments, but rather to be thankful for all the good in our lives. Wearing a smile and having a pleasant disposition while life is looking up is nothing extraordinary. Watching my mom maintain this attitude through the “not so happy” times is what still holds my attention. Widowed at age 39 with three young children to support, and a lung cancer diagnosis at 50, provided some “material” to test her disposition skills.

Mom never played the “poor me,” victim mentality card. She nurtured and guided three kids to successful adulthood, outlived the lung cancer by 25 years (by refusing the doctor’s recommended chemo poisoning), and wound up opening a health food shop in her mid fifties which she ran until she passed at age 75. My mom was a “professional” problem-solver; the ultimate doer, never a defeatist. This is the legacy and spirit I honor this Mother’s Day, and every day.

Neil and Andrea

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