Outsmarting Overeating: Q & A with Karen Koenig

Why do you say that troubled eaters will never end their food problems if they don’t improve their life skills?

Eating issues are never just about food. They’re about how people handle emotional problems and stress, value and take care of themselves effectively, the range of skills they employ to manage life’s ups and downs without turning to food to rev them up or chill them out. They’re about everything from genetics to how we meet our needs to cultural pressure to be thin and fit at any cost.

Why don’t diets work long-term and how can they actually make people fatter?

Diets don’t work long-term because they keep people focused on what they can’t have, don’t take into account how hard it is to restrict and deprive ourselves of pleasure in an ongoing way, and make us want to rebel against all the shoulds and should nots we’re lectured relentlessly about. Diets slow down metabolism to conserve energy as we eat less and they simply feel unnatural to our bodies.

Is there a difference between compulsive and emotional eating?

I think of compulsive eating as more mindless than anything else. It’s the bottom of the ninth and your arm keeps digging down into the bag of chips until your fingers hit the bottom of an empty bag. Behaviors which are compulsive are done without thought or intention. Emotional eating, on the other hand, has a purpose which may or not be conscious, and that is to prevent, lessen or numb out uncomfortable feelings.

Is there a difference between “normal” and healthy eating?

“Normal” eaters follow the rules of appetite but may not necessarily make nutritious food choices. Alternately, healthy eaters base their choices solely on foods’ nutritional value but may regularly overeat or even binge on the healthy food they’re eating.

What are the factors that influence eating and weight?

Environmental toxins, sleep deprivation, cultural expectations, self-esteem, and childhood trauma, abuse and neglect all impact our relationship with food. Finally, stage of life and whether or not we're highly anxious and depressed individuals all influence our eating and weight.

Why doesn’t self-discipline and self-control work to make people eat healthfully?

They do work, but only for a short time and then we become frustrated, feel deprived, and can’t stand the tension of wanting foods and not allowing ourselves to eat them. Self-discipline and control can help us regulate our eating, but we can’t base our ability to eat healthfully on them alone.

What is the psychology of eating, what you term the “how” and “why,” not the what of it?

The “what” of eating is covered by nutrition—the nutritive value of various foods. The psychology of eating focuses on motivations, attitudes, and behaviors around food, eating and weight. It is just about everything but food’s nutritional value.

Are there such things as “good” and “bad” foods?

“Good” and “bad” are moral terms and confer upon us moral standing. We feel superior when we eat “good” food and inferior when we eat “bad” food, which is just plain nonsense. Food has no moral value other than the issue of whether or not we should kill animals to feed ourselves, but this is not what most people mean when they talk about “good” or “bad” food. What they usually mean— and should say—is nutritious or nonnutritious. But even that isn’t the whole story, because foods are on a continuum, so what we really want to say is foods are more nutritious or less nutritious or have high, medium, or low nutritional value.

What is rebound eating?

Rebound eating happens when people get so tired of restricting food that they get fed up and gobble up everything in sight. It’s like a rubber band snapping. Rebound eating is generally compulsive, mindless, and oriented toward eating everything a person hasn’t been eating because they believe it’s wrong to do so. There is generally a rebelliousness to it, as if a person is getting back at “the shoulds” and a mistaken entitlement a la “Well, I’m entitled to eat this.” Of course the person is entitled. The missed point is that it may not be a good idea health wise.

If people want to eat healthfully and be fit, what gets in the way?

Sometimes life is the problem. We don’t all start out on a level playing field. People may want to eat healthfully but, like some of my clients, they grew up in families that ate only junk food. They had no positive role models and developed poor eating, fitness and self-care habits early on. Then there’s the problem of folks not feeling lovable or of value, so they don’t think they’re worth taking care of. Moreover, most people are stressed to the max and don’t have effective stress management skills, so eating is their way of coping and gaining comfort.

What are the hidden, mixed feelings people have about eating healthfully and being fit?

People want a quick fix, but that’s not generally how change happens. They want fast change but don’t have the skills or patience to hang in until they reach their goals. Some don’t want to lose weight because it makes them feel physically, sexually or emotionally vulnerable. For others, being fat or overeating, or suffering with problems is their identity and they don’t know who they will be without it. There are people who want to believe they deserve to be healthy but don’t really buy it, so they treat themselves poorly. Most folks are woefully out of touch with their “negative” reasons for not wanting to become healthier and solely in touch with their “positive” reasons.

Why do women, in particular, have eating problems?

Women have traditionally been around food more while doing the shopping, food preparation, feeding the kids, and meal cleanup, so they’ve had more access to it. More than that, women often don’t feel deserving of taking care of themselves or of time off to relax and feel guilty when they do. So they eat, which feels like they’re doing something (I have to eat, don’t I?) and end up eating foods which relax them, such as carbs.

What do you mean by skill deficits leading to eating problems?

When people regularly act on impulse and can’t delay gratification, they are more likely to grab food without thinking of consequences and not being able to wait for greater reward (say, pride from waiting for a wholesome dinner rather than eating a candy bar). More importantly, people who are skilled at living well don’t have as many problems or as much stress. They know when to work or play and can handle pretty much whatever life throws their way. People without strong life skills are at a distinct disadvantage in creating and sustaining a successful, meaningful, pleasurable life.

What are your three top recommendations for having a positive, healthy relationship with food and body?

1. Ditch the scale and stop focusing on weight which is the end of a process. Instead focus on eating which is the beginning of it.
2. Follow the rules of appetite for hunger, food choice, enjoying eating, and stopping when full or satisfied.
3. Develop and practice skills to create your best life so that food is used only for nourishment and occasional pleasure.

What can parents model and teach their children so that they have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies?

They can be relaxed around food themselves and follow the rules of “normal” eating, not pressure their children to be a certain weight, be accepting of size diversity, stay active and make activity fun not a chore, explain the importance of nutrition, make nutritious food accessible, eat and serve all kinds of foods, and teach their children through word and deed to cherish and care for their bodies.

Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, MEd, psychotherapist, eating coach, blogger, author and speaker, has been an educator on eating and weight issues for 30 years. A frequently quoted expert in both the popular media and professional literature, she lives in Sarasota, Florida. Visit her online at www.karenrkoenig.com. Karen’s latest book is Outsmarting Overeating, published by New World Library, www.newworldlibrary.com.