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When Children Follow Parents Footsteps, Even Suicide
According to Digital Journal Researchers estimate between 7,000 and 12,000 children lose a parent to suicide and the children of these parents are at higher risk to commit suicide themselves. What is evident is that children, by nature, do what their parents do - big and small things – and not always what they say. 3 Reasons Why Children Commit Suicide 1. Viable Decision: When a parent, voluntarily or involuntarily (via overdose) kills themselves they are teaching their children that when life becomes unbearable and there feels to be no way out of those intense emotions, that suicide or over-drugging is a viable (maybe not acceptable) way to cope. Clearly these parents have deep psychological issues/disorders and they are raising children who love them and are still, on some level, symbiotic with their parent. The more psychologically unwell a parent, typically the more codependent or the more distant their relationships are with their children. 2. Bonding or Reconnection: Missing their parent, post suicide or overdose, may be so intolerable for the children (even adult children) left behind they are not able to process the shock, rejection and abandonment. The child, regardless of age, has been horribly abandoned and because these relationships are typically embroiled or extremely distant, the children cannot psychologically separate from the deceased parent. These children are all, in my opinion, searching for love and to reconnect to that parent in the same way their parent abandoned them. Maybe they are feeling a sense of 3. Mental Health Issues: Clearly anyone who voluntarily or involuntarily commits suicide is suffering emotionally and mentally. Whitney Houston was unable to cope with life and used drugs as her escape which ultimately caused her drowning. Bobbi Kristina grew up under two Adult-Child parents who never grew up and both used drugs. She was left in the world not knowing how to be an adult or how to cope with emotion. Both her parents never could teach her due to their own lack of maturity and emotional health. To the public, suicide is senseless and tragic. In many ways I agree. Was that teacher selfish to go to her room and hang herself? Those who are healthy say, yes, she was! Was it in her mind to hurt and harm her students, probably not? Maybe she went there because it was the only place she felt truly loved. We can all be angry because that is also correct as she damaged these children and was an authority who made suicide a viable option for her students. Suicide is nearly impossible to prevent because the people who follow through on suicide keep it secret and there are usually no overt signs that an impending suicide is coming to be able to help them. They don’t want to be stopped. There may be a certain amount of shame in these children of parents who kill themselves – they often feel like if they would have somehow been a “better,” “more loveable” child that their parent could never have so violently abandoned them. That shame may sit in their emotions and not allow them to heal because there is no physical outlet for shame. Our mental health and family communities are often helpless in these situations because warning signs are often not there to be able to intervene. So, talk, listen and love! Sherrie Campbell, PhD is a veteran, licensed Psychologist with two decades of clinical training and experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California. In her private practice, she specializes in psychotherapy with adults and teenagers, including marriage and family therapy, grief counseling, childhood trauma, sexual issues, personality disorders, illness and more. Her interactive sessions are as unique and impactful as her new book, Loving Yourself : The Mastery of Being Your Own Person. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology in 2003 and has regularly contributes to numerous publications, including Intent.com, Beliefnet.com, DrLaura.com and Hitched.com. She is also an inspirational speaker, avid writer and mother. Sherriecampbellphd.com. |
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