by Erica Settino • Huntington, NY

When I first met my husband he was a bit of a thrill seeker. He had a habit of jumping out of airplanes, scuba diving with sharks—sans cage, kayaking and sailing in the dead of winter regardless of inclement weather, frigid water temps or lack of light, and skateboarding down long and winding roads at top speed with no helmet. That last one landed him in the emergency room. At one point, he decided to take helicopter lessons. What should have been a two hour outing turned into a four hour battle with severe winds while I sat at home with my heart in my throat waiting for him to call when he had safely landed. Even he had to admit that one wasn’t worth repeating. But as far as I was concerned, I was never again going to sit home and worry myself sick while he was off flirting with death.

Shortly after his marriage proposal, I told him that I would marry him only if he swore that he would never again jump out of an airplane. I was only half kidding. Also, I made him promise that he would always wear a helmet while skating or riding his bike, and basically begged him to stop doing anything and everything that increased the probability of his untimely demise. 

After four years of marriage, Chris has been true to his word. He wears a helmet every time he rides his bike, and has yet to bring up the possibility of propelling himself from a moving aircraft. Though I know for a fact he would do it again, Chris agreed to keep his feet planted firmly on the ground out of his love for me. I, on the other hand, may have taken something from him that wasn’t actually mine to take.

In yoga we learn, observe, and live by what are called the yamas, or ethical standards, which includes amongst others, the principle of asteya or non-stealing. This standard is quite literal: we know that we do not go into the grocery store and steal an orange. However, it goes much deeper than that.

My husband’s desire to jump from fourteen thousand feet with only a small parachute strapped to his back is just that: his desire. Who am I to tell him he can’t do it? Truly loving someone means that we must be willing to let him or her live the life they set out to live—even if it scares us half to death.

Love leaves no room for control or dominion. No, that’s fear, ignorance and greed. That is why I have come to question the logic of people who claim to love those to whom they cause so much suffering. Particularly, those who enslave animals, taking from them what is undoubtedly not theirs. Under the guise of love, breeders, farmers, and corporations are stealing milk and babies, blocking the animal’s innate desire to mother and form bonds with each other as well as with other species, denying them the freedom to roam and romp, to snuggle and play, destroying countless lives in the process. What’s love got to do with any of that?

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to start actually loving all living beings without motive or selfish desire for personal gain, and do so in spite of your own fears. You’ll be amazed by the love you receive in return.

Erica Settino is a long-time yoga teacher and animal activist. Through her teaching, writing, and non-profit organization, Karuna For Animals: Compassion In Action, Inc., she works to promote compassion, non-violence, and kindness for all living beings. www.karunaforanimals.com. Join Erica in any of her yoga classes at Huntington Yoga & Wellness Studio. www.huntingtonyogawellness.com.