Meditation: A Practice for Caregivers
So You Can Keep Your Well Full
by Phyllis S. Quinlan, RN-Bc, PhD

The first time I actually tried to meditate, I almost wiggled a hole in my jeans. “Still my mind”, I could even sit still! I kept rationalizing that this stillness was bad for my arthritis but that argument dissolved when I found walking mediation frustrating too. Imagine being subjected to the onslaught to all the thoughts in your head as you sit in silence.

I have heard Pema Chodron say in her audiobooks that the goal of meditation is to make the space between two thoughts longer. The Tao Te Ching teaches that the empty form created by the spokes of a wheel is what provides strength and function for the wagon. So it seems that the lesson here is to understand that, much of what we need to function as a whole lies within our silent core.  
Silence or stillness is not something that Caregivers are often comfortable with experiencing. Caregivers are doers & fixers; so it naturally follows that their comfort zone lies within the boundaries of being busy and joy is defined as the ability to multitask well. The paradox is that Caregivers view inactivity as wasteful and annoying but often lament that they cannot wait for some “down time”.

It is not uncommon to hear Caregivers describe that “down time” as crashing. Family caregivers speak about crashing on the couch or bed at the end of the day. Many of my colleagues arrive to work on Monday describing how they crashed over the weekend. I am guilty of this practice from time to time. The thing we need to contemplate is our need to drive ourselves to the point of exhaustion.

Is it superstition? If we don’t work till we drop, will something bad happen? Is it fear of what others might say about us? Is consistently pushing yourself beyond endurance really going to create positive gossip? Why is stepping aside to allow others to contribute; or do their share so uncomfortable? The answer is indeed, in the stillness where silence lives.

Sitting in silence takes courage & practice. However, what Caregivers lack in courage they usually can make up in discipline until they can access their courage. Preparing to meditate is actually easy:

• Find a supportive space. Home, backyard, park, etc. Phones off. Stretch a bit to loosen tight muscles and add a little space between your joints.
• Assume a comfortable sitting position on a meditative cushion (s) or a straight backed chair. Posture is important so that you can breathe easily.
• Make sure that you are sitting on what I call your Sit Bones. These are actually the posterior processes of your pelvis.  It is important, if you are on a cushion, to position yourself so that your knees are lower than your hips. This will help to give a good straight alignment to your spine. Don’t exaggerate your alignment. Think strong back soft front. Relax your jaw.
• At first you may want to keep your eyes closed; try to work toward keeping your eyes softly fixed on a spot three feet in front of you.
• Visualize a connection between you and the center of Mother Earth. This is important to anchoring you to the present moment and aiding you in remaining in your body and not let your mind wander.
• Breathe regular, comfortable breaths. You’ll yawn at times but just go with it. Keep your attention in your body and on your breath. If a part of your body becomes uncomfortable, gently adjust your position and breathe into that part of your body until you are at ease.
• Your mind will drift through thoughts. Realize that this is inevitable. The goal is to realize that you have left your body and moved into your head. Acknowledge this, move back into your body and focus on your breathing again.
• Start slow, five to ten minutes and work up to whatever works for you. Daily practice would be great. There is no room for self-criticism in meditation; only patience and loving kindness toward yourself as you slowly make the space between two thoughts, longer.

I sincerely recommend trying stillness. Find the discipline to sit quietly and find the peace that can only be found at your core. You will discover that this sense of peacefulness will slowly fill up that internal well that we always draw from so that we can stay available to all we love and serve. The answers to so much are in that wonderful, peaceful, silent space.

Dr. Quinlan has practiced nursing for 30-plus years and has held leadership & education positions in many healthcare venues. She started her Firm, MFW Consultants in 1994 and has promoted balanced living as a Feng Shui Practitioner since 1999. Phyllis is a public speaker and has been featured in publications on Nursing, Feng Shui and Personal Coaching. Her new book entitled, The Delicate Balance: A Mindful Approach to Self Care for Professional & Family Caregivers will be available in March 2013.