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Surviving Financial Challenges in Your Relationship
The following is excerpted from the new book The Heart of Money ©2012 by Deborah L. Price. Published with permission of New World Library www.newworldlibrary.com. Every relationship experiences financial challenges or conflict at some point. Regardless of the causes of your financial issues, if your relationship is going through a difficult time, you most likely could use some new strategies to help guide you through this phase of your life. Here are seven financial survival steps that will truly help. Remember that now, more than ever, you need your relationship to provide a loving, supportive shelter from the storm that is occurring around you. 1. Remember that your core money issues get triggered when you are under stress, but they did not originate in your marriage. They represent unhealed wounds from childhood (or perhaps from a previous relationship or marriage) that you most likely brought into the relationship. Have compassion for each other and learn how to understand each other’s wounds from the past. Become more aware of how you trigger each other, and then try to avoid engaging in those behaviors. 2. It is so easy to focus on what’s wrong that we often forget to remember what’s good and right in our relationship. Make a list of what is working in your relationship and what you love about your partner. Share this openly with each other. There is nothing like hearing sincere words of praise and appreciation to help soothe and calm our ruffled feathers or hurt feelings. 3. Most financial differences are due to a failure to effectively communicate our needs, fears, and grievances, which accumulate over time. Learn to talk openly, calmly, and without blame. If there is an issue that is seemingly irresolvable, seek the guidance of a trusted coach, therapist, minister, or spiritual counselor. 4. Respect each other, and either accept your differences or work together to resolve them. Don’t let your differences destroy your relationship. With help and support, you can learn to honor these differences and perhaps even grow together because of them, rather than in spite of them. 5. During times of conflict, make a pact to not engage with each other until you have both calmed down. Take a walk, meditate, or turn to your spiritual Source for guidance and support through daily prayer and affirmation. 6. After you are able to be calm and present again, find a moment to consciously practice loving-kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. Never go to bed or leave mad! At the Money Coaching Institute, we teach and practice an ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice of reconciliation and forgiveness called Ho’oponopono, adapted by Morrnah Simeona, a healing priest, from the traditional Ho’oponopono practice to its modern-day use. I have witnessed and experienced miracles through the power of this simple process. I have seen families in crisis heal anger and wounds that had caused years of pain and destruction. I’ve witnessed profound healing between people who had not spoken in years. And I use this process in my everyday life with anyone I have any conflict or disturbance with. I recommend that all couples use this as a ritual for healing their hurts, anger, or conflicts. Ho’oponopono can be conducted with your partner in person or remotely. I’ve found it to be equally effective either way. If you are working remotely, simply visualize your partner (or whomever) in your mind’s eye and say the person’s name out loud, followed by these words: I love you
Repeat the words like a mantra until you feel some release or opening in your heart. Continue to do this daily until you experience a shift in the relationship. If your partner or spouse is open and receptive, do this process together. Begin by standing, facing each other, and holding hands. Look into each other’s eyes and take turns repeating these words: I love you Whether you are conducting this process remotely or while gazing into each other’s eyes, be prepared for miracles to happen. It never ceases to amaze me how something so simple could be the cause of so many miracles! But then, forgiveness itself is perhaps the most healing prescription available on the planet today, so no wonder! 7. Remain in partnership and continue to work together as a team. In many relationships, the moment when a partner becomes an opponent or adversary, signals the beginning of the end of the relationship. Unfortunately, this may result from a subtle internal emotional shift or change in attitude that isn’t apparent at first. If you find yourself polarizing your spouse, viewing him or her as a competitor or adversary, it’s important to take immediate action to change your attitude. The same thing applies if you are on the receiving end of such an attitude from your spouse. To succeed with this approach, both you and your spouse need to be committed to working together as a team. If you are trying to be a good team member while your spouse is indifferent, you will quickly find yourself feeling the betrayal of the Victim or the unsupported frustration of the Martyr. It takes two!
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