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Be a Super Senior
Why are some people blessed with a very long and healthy life, while others are not? I recently read an article in Der Spiegel Magazine on super centenarians. These are people who have lived to be over a hundred and are still mobile and mentally sharp. Scientists have been studying this extraordinary group of people and came to a number of conclusions. The seniors studied were very varied in their habits. Some ate health foods, some did not; some exercised, others were extremely sedentary. Apart from genetics, there were three unifying factors that these super seniors exhibited. These were [1] fidelity to relationship(s), [2] equanimity toward life challenges, and [3] having an outgoing social personality. What exactly do we mean by fidelity? The dictionary often defines fidelity as loyalty. What these seniors exhibited was something beyond loyalty. Many of them had been with the same partner for over 70 years. They also had maintained healthy relationships with their siblings often for over a century. So how exactly how does one exhibit fidelity with spouses, siblings and friends? I believe that fidelity only comes about when we accept others for who they truly are. So many marriages and other relationships have been broken because the people were each trying to make one another over in their own image. There’s an old joke that says a couple got divorced due to religious reasons. The husband thought he was G-d, and the wife didn’t. A joke; and yet I believe it is often not far from the truth. Probably the most challenging thing to do in a relationship is to accept another person for who they are. Accept them with their weaknesses and foibles. Our job is not to correct or change a spouse, sibling or friend. It is to work on and refine ourselves and by doing so to also be a positive influence on those around us. The only time we should attempt to change someone else is when they ask us for input on change. Equanimity towards challenges is the second factor for longevity. In our highly industrialized lives, we live with a lot of stress and with many challenges. Our stress often results from how we perceive and respond to our challenges. The word equanimity comes from the Latin aequanimus which means of an even mind. When difficulties in life appear, how do you respond? Are you calm or very reactive? Does every life event, whether trivial or serious result in exaggerated emotions? Though some people are naturally calmer than others, I believe that equanimity is largely an acquired trait. You can choose how to respond to every life situation. Our lack of equanimity is often due to our habituated pathways of response. When you begin to interrupt your habituated response, equanimity can begin to emerge. This disruption can take place through a closer observation of our acts. The first step is to review our past actions and begin to identify patterns of response to challenges. As we grow in knowledge, we can begin to identify negative response patterns in the moment. When that takes place, equanimity is taking a foothold within you. The third factor that relates to longevity is having an outgoing personality. This does not mean that you are or that you become the life of the party. However, let’s stick with the party analogy for a moment. Imagine that you’re invited to a party with a very diverse guest list. People of different races, religions, professions and interests are in attendance. Do you spend the evening searching out the one person most like you? Or, do you spend time speaking to everyone at the party. Those who interact with many of the partygoers have an outgoing social personality. In practical terms this means that they find a bridge of commonality with each person. It also means that they are open to interacting with and learning about people and topics outside of their usual repertoire. Some of you are saying, “I’m the type of person who will seek out one person at the party and hold onto to them for dear life. What should I do?” At your next social gathering, become more conscious. Make an effort to interact with as many people as you can. When you speak with people look for what connects you, not what separates. Start to become an active listener. Rather than reactively responding to what another person said; let their words penetrate on a deep level. Truly listen before you respond. I find that most people are concentrating on their response, rather than reflecting on what was said to them. Seek to understand, rather than to be understood.
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