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LIVING THE MASCULINE/FEMININE BALANCE:
We sometimes resolve the either/or choices in our lives by making choices that shut us off from our greatest potentials. In a sense, this is part of the “yes” “no” pulse of our lives. Both poles are a necessary part of living and yet we know that it is in finding the balance that we experience the full potential of a sacred, probable Self. This Self, although it includes our polarized dimensions, transforms and transcends those dimensions and we remain creatively alive. Many of us remember the powerful representation of masculine and feminine set forth by the tobacco industry in ads during the latter part of the 20th Century. The Marlboro man, tall, muscular and wearing a cowboy hat and levis, stared down upon us from billboards while in another ad the sexy lady with heavy lipstick, manicured hands grasping a long cigarette holder, and wearing stiletto heals reminded us that, “You’ve come a long way, baby!” The tobacco industry knew that these ads would appeal to our need for identity and would sell cigarettes. It is important to differentiate between the superficial characteristics represented above and the more enduring intrinsic qualities that actually define the masculine and the feminine. Superficial characteristics are stereotypes that allow us to feel “as if” we are expressing who we are. Whereas, intrinsic qualities are archetypes that reflect the values of a deeper, more whole self. St. Francis of Sales expressed the dichotomy we face in defining ourselves by saying, “Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength.” When we form relationships we are often attracted to others who seem “opposite” to us and who express qualities that we are not yet able to express. I suspect we somehow hope that by mere proximity we will be able to “own” those qualities for ourselves. And yet, what we have resisted and repressed within ourselves is not so easily set free. My husband, Bob, and I have been
married 47 years this Spring. Being somewhat introverted I was magnetized by his uninhibited expressions of exuberance. However, once we married I became uncomfortable with those very expressions. I found myself telling him what he “should” and “shouldn’t” say and do – imposing restrictions that fit my narrow comfort zone. He bore this with great patience. Then one day as I was mulling over my judgments and making a few more, the phrase, “…for all men kill the things they love.”1 entered my mind. I vividly saw and felt what I was doing and why. I realized that I needed to develop, within myself, the very qualities that I had first admired in Bob and then rejected. Over time this not only helped our relationship, but it transformed a major pattern within me. At that time I was only able to address a group with a well prepared and often memorized lecture. Even this was done with considerable stage fright. That response is such a dim memory since, for many years now, I have been able to happily and extemporaneously address any large group of people. This experience made me acutely aware that it is a lose-lose situation to ask others to give up genuine pieces of themselves to satisfy our own comfort zone. Our most significant creative act is to re-create ourselves by liberating ourselves from old patterns that inhibit the expression of our highest potential. In individually balancing the masculine and feminine qualities within ourselves, we become more whole and dynamically alive. Love expands our hearts and then moves upward to bloom as an expression of the Soul. We can then share this wholeness with others without asking them to fill in our missing pieces. Secondly, when two whole and balanced people form a partnership their hearts and souls unite in a sacred synthesis, creating a third expression that often surpasses that which either partner could individually express. Our movement towards both individual and collective balance supports a true ecology of being from which we creatively support the integral systems of which we are a part. As we balance aspects within ourselves we expand our influence to support balance within our partnerships, our families, our societies, all sentient life on the planet, and the universe itself. 1. De Profundis, The Ballad of Reading Goal, Oscar Wilde, 1905. Ann Nunley, Ph.D. holds a Masters in Fine Arts from Kansas University School of Design and a PhD in Transpersonal Psychology from Greenwich University. Among her publications are the book and card set Inner Counselor and the Inner Counselor Seminar Manual. She is past President of ISSSEEM (International Society for the Study of Subtle Energies and Energy Medicine). Ann is founding President of the All Faiths Church of Spirituality and Health. Ann is currently professor and Dean of Academics of Holos University Graduate Seminary where she is Director of the Transformational Psychology Track. Websites: www.innercounselor.com www.HolosUniversity.org. Images: original paintings by Ann Nunley.
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