The Art of Letting Go
by Alicia • Brooklyn, NY

At various points in our lives, we all find it necessary to end a relationship, either with a spouse, business partner, relative or friend.

Just as there was a beginning, there is an end. But why? To give each and every one of us an opportunity to transform and to forge new beginnings, just as each lifetime affords us the same possibilities to start over.

Death ensures that we let go of everything, our possessions, relationships and our memories. Even if a kinship continues into another lifetime (if you believe in past lives) the relationship changes; your wife may become your mother, sister or a close friend. What is more difficult is letting go within the lifetime itself. We still carry memories, experiences and beliefs from these previous relationships that will form the basis of our future ones. Therefore, how we end these ties can have a tremendous impact upon us in what lies ahead.

Here is some guidance for letting go in a more harmonious way, which should make the journey just a little bit easier.

Be Decisive

If you have made a decision to leave, then leave! If the other person(s) has made that decision, then let him/her go. Holding onto something which no longer serves your highest good only invites more suffering into your life.

Face Your Fears

Fears are created and manifested in the world, by you. Fear of financial ruin, loneliness, your children’s safety, etc. These fears won’t go away just because you choose to stay in a liaison to avoid them. Your fears will be addressed as you confront them. This alone is a good enough reason to let the relationship go. Confronting fears can replace weakness with strength. Your “obstacle” is really an opportunity.

Mourn

You are human. We are all human, and we suffer when we end relationships. It is our nature to attach ourselves to others, things, concepts, and yet our journey homeward is to let these things go in order for us to grow. So mourn. It’s okay to have that good cry. Sometimes it can feel so painful that we have to go into escapist behavior -- drinking, over/under eating, shopping, Internet surfing, TV watching, etc., just to avoid the pain. Be careful, for this can be more damaging than helpful. The pain is unavoidable and the more we hold it in the more damage it does. Let it out. If you can’t, then find someone to help you. The more you mourn and clear yourself of the heartache and disappointment the better your new life will be.

Take Responsibility

Take responsibly for your part in the break-up, even if you believe you are completely innocent. You made the decision to have the relationship so own up to that part. For example, if you find yourself in an abusive entanglement, what part of your self allowed you to stay so long in such unloving conditions? This is crucial, for if you believe you are completely innocent and you haven’t done the necessary work of changing and healing yourself, you are bound to encounter the same type of person you are leaving.

Don’t

Don’t send any negative wishes toward the person -- no matter what they have done to you. Why? Because what you send out into the world comes back to you. If you find yourself on the verge of cursing someone, pray to all that is good and holy not to send these negative thoughts. Believe that the Universe is the one empowered to administer justice in a fair and equitable manner. In your darkest moments, rely upon its power.

Forgive

Now you are ready for the final act. Forgive yourself for having made a mistake; for being stupid, weak, selfish, greedy, unloving to self, etc. Meditate before you go to bed, asking your higher self to heal you. Love yourself, even if the other person didn’t. Don’t judge yourself by this “failure,” for it really isn’t a failure at all. It is an occurrence, which transpired to help you to become a better person. Don’t let this opportunity be wasted by holding onto old ideas. Don’t become bitter or vengeful, making promises of never loving again. Begin to think about your new life, and then use love to help you manifest the new you. Once you have done this you are ready to forgive others. The circle is now complete – the debt paid. You have mastered the art of letting go.

Alicia, MS, MA , is a Researcher, Reiki Master, Educator, Writer and Developmentalist. She can be reached at (718) 703-3086 or at her website: www.aliciaspiritualhealer.com.