Our Greatest Happiness Comes from Love and Compassion
by His Holiness the Dalai Lama

One great question underlies our experience, whether we think about it consciously or not: What is the purpose of life?

I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness, not suffering. Therefore, since we who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.
We can divide every kind of happiness and suffering into two main categories: mental and physical. Of the two, the mind exerts the greatest influence on most of us. Unless gravely ill or deprived of basic necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role; if the body is content, we virtually ignore it. The mind, however, registers every event, no matter how small. Hence, we should devote our most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace.

I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically eases the mind. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and provides the strength to cope with obstacles. Living in this world, we are bound to encounter problems. If we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish
our ability to face difficulties. However, if we remember that it is not just ourselves but everyone who undergoes suffering, we increase our determination and capacity to overcome troubles.

Our Need for Love

The reason why love and compassion provide the greatest happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The need for love results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and skillful an individual may be, left alone he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent we may feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when one is sick or very young or very old, one must depend on the support of others.

Interdependence is a fundamental law of nature. Not only higher forms of life, but also many of the smallest insects are social beings who, without any religion, law or education, survive by mutual cooperation based on an innate recognition of their interconnectedness. All phenomena— be they from the oceans, the clouds, or the forests that surround us—arise in dependence; without their proper interaction, they dissolve and decay.

It is because our own existence is so dependent on the help of others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our existence. Therefore, we need a genuine sense of responsibility and a
sincere concern for the welfare of others.

Each of us is the product of our parents. In general, conception took place not just in the context of sexual desire, but also from our parents’ decision to have a child. Thus, from the very moment of conception, love is directly involved in our creation. Moreover, we are completely dependent upon the care of our mothers from the earliest stages of growth. According to some scientists, a pregnant woman’s mental state, be it calm or agitated, has a direct physical effect on her unborn child.

The expression of love is also very important right from birth. Since the first thing we do is suck milk from our mothers’ breast, we naturally feel close to her, and she must feel love for us in order to feed us properly; if she feels anger or resentment, her milk may not flow freely. Then there is the critical period of brain development for the first several years, during which time loving physical contact is the single most important factor for the normal growth of a child; if not held, hugged, cuddled or loved, development will be impaired and its brain will not mature properly.

As children grow older and enter school, their need for support must be met by their teachers. If teachers impart academic education and assume responsibility for preparing students for life, pupils will feel trust and respect, and what has been taught will leave an indelible impression on their minds.

Even when we engage in ordinary conversation, if someone speaks with human feeling, we enjoy
listening and respond accordingly; the whole conversation becomes interesting, however unimportant the topic. On the other hand, if a person speaks coldly or harshly, we feel uneasy and wish for a quick end to the interaction. From the least to the most important event, the affection and respect of others are vital for our happiness.

Recently I met with a group of scientists who said that the rate of mental illness in America was quite high—around 12 percent of the population. It became clear during our discussion that the main cause of depression was not a lack of material necessities, but a deprivation of affection. So, whether or not we are consciously aware of it, from the day we are born the need for human affection is in our very blood. Even if the affection comes from an animal, both children and adults will naturally gravitate toward it.
I believe that no one is born free of the need for love. And no material object—however beautiful or valuable—can make us feel loved, because our deeper identity and true character lie in the subjective nature of the mind.

Excerpted from the new book, In My Own Words: An Introduction to My Teachings and Philosophy by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, edited by Rajiv Mehrotra, Published by Hay House (September 2008).