Avoid Teen Drama By Barbara Rose, Ph.D.

Avoid Teen Drama
By Barbara Rose, Ph.D. • Florida

I remember my teenage years all too vividly, and, for the most part, I put my parents through a living hell. I rebelled, acted out, stayed out all night, tried drugs, cut school, lost my virginity, and was deeply unhappy during that phase of my life.

You may wonder what triggered it all inside of me, so I will share this answer with you right off the bat.
I was truly not honored or accepted for who I was on the inside. Instead, I was abused. It hurt deeply and cut to the core of who I was. I remember being beaten with a belt and being called “dumb, stupid, dead from the neck up, a nothing, and a nobody” through all of my teenage years. Of course as an adult I have forgiven my adoptive father for this treatment because I learned that he truly did the best job he knew how to do at that time. But it took me nearly all of my life to undo the emotional and psychological effects of such treatment.

I was taught to “look sexy” and “grow up to have a rich man take care of me.” It took many years to turn that around also, so that my self-esteem could come from the inside and my self-sufficiency could be earned by discovering my true life purpose, my passion, which I call my work.

Communication with Teens

Here is a ground rule for communicating with your teens: Always speak to your teenager as if you were speaking to a highly respected friend, colleague, or member of society.

This is how I speak to my own teenagers, and we do not have any communication difficulties or communication battles. I speak to them with the same courtesy and respect with which I would speak to you.

My own teen years had a lack of loving, respectful, and courteous communication. For example, when I was told what to do, I often asked why because I genuinely wanted to understand the reason why I was being told what to do. Much to my dismay, the answer was, “Because I said so.”

This did nothing to help me learn, grow, and understand the adult perspective, which I sincerely wanted to understand. Instead of receiving an explanation from the heart, to give me understanding, I was ordered around as if I were in drill camp. A harsh and threatening tone pervaded the communication I received, and this clearly did not help me at all.

A Parent or a Boss

Parents whose teens are thriving, typically relate to their teens, rather than boss them around. They put themselves in their teenagers’ shoes, and pick their battles when it comes to setting strict boundaries. They relate from their hearts, and their teens feel it and respond positively.
The following guidelines for verbal and nonverbal communication with your teens will be immediately helpful.

Communication Guidelines

1. Never put your teen down in an insulting manner.
2. Always speak to your teen with the same respect you would show adults you have great respect for.
3. Carefully explain, as you would to your own best friend, the reasoning behind whatever you request of your teen, such as curfews or sexual safety.
4. Honor your teen’s boundaries and privacy in an age-appropriate manner by asking questions with sincerity rather than in a threatening or demeaning tone.
5. If either your or your teen’s temper flares up, state that you both need an hour or two to cool off and calm down so you can resolve the matter at hand in the best possible way.
6. Never hit or physically touch your teenager in any inappropriate or hurtful manner.
7. If you feel concerned or upset, phrase your concern by sharing your feelings instead of giving your teen the third degree.
8. Allow your teen to express him- or herself openly and honestly while you listen with full attention.
9. Reflect back what your teen has expressed to you just to be certain that you understand where he or she is coming from. This creates understanding and prevents unnecessary fights.
10. Always and under all circumstances honor who your teen is on the inside, even if he or she is different from what you prefer or what you were taught about gender roles.

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. is the best selling author of nine books and an internationally recognized expert in personal transformation, relationships, consciousness and spiritual awakening. Her personal website is www.borntoinspire.com.