No Nonsense Rules for Teens
by Dari Dyrness-Olsen • Randolph, NJ

Just say NO! No! No! to Teen Sex. The United States has the HIGHEST teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world.

Teen girls are pressured into having sex at very young ages and do not have the self-confidence and the assertive skills to say NO. More often than not, if girls are not willing to have sex, then it is hard to find and keep a boyfriend. Obviously, the boys are making the rules at the expense of the girls.

Girls need to take back control and use their power. Learn how to say no and you will regain your self-esteem and self-confidence. When girls value themselves, then they are able to make good choices, and say NO in a variety of different ways.

Parents: Discourage your children from the dating scene as long as humanly possible. Your job is to focus them on their future, whether that is college, a career, or something they enjoy doing and can earn a respectable living from. Please don’t let them drop out of activities they once loved in order to spend more time with their boyfriends. Keep in mind that even if your daughter meets a “nice boy”, he will still pressure her for sex. Sex is serious. Value your children and protect them from risking their chance for a happy and successful future. Explain the reasons for your rules. Parent out of love and responsibility, don’t worry about whether or not they are cool, fit in, or are popular. Maybe we need to redefine “cool.” I think being cool is not doing something just because everyone else is doing it. Teach them to dare to be different.

Refocus your efforts on the lost art of dating!

We need to return to real dating. Girls need to expect and even require more of themselves than becoming a cheap sex thrill. Mr. Dream Guy should be treating you to dinner and a movie. You should be doing things that are fun and enjoyable without sex.
The best part of “real dating” is that a girl doesn’t owe a guy anything more than the enjoyment of her company.

Parents: You need to be two steps ahead of your children at all times. Be aware that kids have LOTS of tricks up their sleeves, such as having you drop them off at the movie theater, but they never see the movie. Being a parent gives you the right to check-up on your child. Make sure that they are doing what they say they are doing. If they have nothing to hide, then they won’t mind.

You don’t trust me! That’s right – I don’t trust you!

Don’t fall for the old saying, “Don’t you trust me?” Never trust a teenager…..their brains are not fully developed and they are not thinking clearly.

Before bedtime, take away your kids cell phones so they are not under their covers text messaging their friends and getting into trouble. If you have taken away her cell phone like you are supposed to before she goes to bed, then she will be sleeping, instead of worrying about how she is going to sneak out of your house.

Can you imagine if your son got someone else’s daughter pregnant during their senior year and she decided to have the baby? Congratulations….you are going to be a grandparent to a child having a child. Guess who is going to be doing most of the child-rearing and financial supporting? Your son is now connected to that girl FOREVER. Oops. So it isn’t just the parents of girls who need to worry. We should all be working together and looking out for every kid’s future.

There should be no place like “My Space” – it needs to be “Our Space”.

MySpace.com and similar web sites are a sexual predator’s paradise. What has our society come to when young kids think it is cool and trendy to flaunt themselves on the internet? These dangerous liaisons are all fun and games until someone gets assaulted, raped, pregnant, diseased, or runs away from home to meet their supposed “soul mate”, who ends up being an adult sexual abuser.
Parents: You MUST closely monitor and limit your children’s time on the computer and internet. Log onto where they have been to see what they are up to. If you don’t know how, make an effort to learn. Make sure that the computer is in a central location and NOT in their bedroom, so it can be easily supervised.

Stop the insanity!

Today the “trendy” way kids cope with life’s ups and downs are cutting themselves, eating disorders, and using drugs and alcohol. There’s a sliding slope from tattoos to body jewelry to painful self mutilation.

Parents: You need to give special attention to girls so that they get the positive coping skills they need to survive any crisis they might face throughout their lives. Look for any sudden changes in their behavior or physical appearance. A sign of trouble is often when their grades start dropping and they start hanging around a new group of undesirable friends. Encourage them to pursue hobbies and extracurricular activities that they enjoy, whether it is music, art, dance, poetry, fashion, sports, writing, or anything that will positively contribute to their lives. Teach them positive ways to channel their negative feelings. Be a good role model. Practice what you preach! Be approachable. Use “teachable moments” when you are watching television together or your kids are telling you a story about one of their friends. Take advantage of that opportunity to talk about hot topics.

It is your job as a parent to educate your kids and prepare them for life. There is nothing more important. They might act like they don’t care about what you are saying, but trust me, they do. They are hanging on every single word.

Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC is the owner and President of Express Yourself Today LLC, a human service organization with the primary purpose of inspiring personal and community growth through educational and motivational programs. Her book 7 SECRETS FOR GIRLS is available on www.amazon.com and in Barnes & Noble stores. Visit www.expressyourselftoday.com.