PLEASE EXCUSE HER, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO GET EVOLVED
by Eli Langner, Lindenhurst

I’m more of a taker than a giver
I must stay home tonight and cleanse my liver
A celebrity guru I’ve heard has said
Your helpful suggestion is a really bad idea
All the kachingity things fell off my tambourine
I’ve tried coffee enemas--now I’m addicted to caffeine
My dog ate my mantra; I’ve forgotten how it goes
My amethyst lost its purple and looks remarkably like quartz
My medicine drum is too nice to be played
Mercury is in retrograde
My Moon is in Pieces, and furthermore
My sign has been stuck in Uranus as far back as I can remember
Karmically speaking, I’ve had some bad luck
In a previous life, I was a Peking duck
Now anything and everything that I must do
Requires 24 hours advance notice, please
I can’t eat anything that once was living
(Need a turkey-shaped rock for my next Thanksgiving)
And don’t get me started on my bad Feng Shui:
I’ve got Evil Dragon Chi comin’ out the yin-yang!
I haven’t mastered my "Praying Mantis"
I once taught Pilates in Atlantis
We’re all slave descendants of aliens who bred us
With half their DNA, just to keep us complacent
(Ask anyone!)
My shrink is outta town
And I’m feelin’ kinda down
I have Yoga Friday nights
And I just ran twenty flights
Plus my ears need candling
And I can’t be handling
Stress of any kind
I must pacify my mind
And I just came off a fast
I don’t think that I would last!
Let me put it this way:
Some woman I don’t know
Is channeling the spirit
Of some guy I don’t know
And, in his-or-her opinion,
My answer to anything right now
should be "No!"

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
by Roberta A. McQueen, Amityville

Hurry up and go
the school bus is coming
can't be late the first day
wearing that brand new
athletic jacket
and matching sport pants
hair cut in the style that
most boys have today
Heading off to school
holding his mom's hand
tightly when he sees
his friend from next door
tearing away with a whoop
of sheer delight
His mother stands alone
brushing away tears
wondering how he will
ever get along without her