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Letting
Go of All that Does Not Serve
By Donna Henes, Brooklyn
On my birthday last week, a friend presented me with a gorgeous amber
necklace that she had gotten in Russia twenty years ago before she immigrated
to the United States. Though she felt that it did not suit her, she held
onto it for two decades for sentimental reasons. When she gave it to me,
she apologized for it not being a new store-bought thing, but I was thrilled.
Not only does it suit me perfectly, but also I was extremely touched by
her sharing of this nostalgic gem.
And I completely understood her motivation for giving it away. It is common
for women in midlife to display an overwhelming urge to purge, to clean
out, throw out, refuse, release, discard, to distill and streamline all
of our attachments. We refine our needs and tastes and now want to be
surrounded by only those people, places, and things that add something
positive to our lives.
If we are to practice living life with intention, purpose, and appreciation,
we are called to take stock — on every level imaginable — material,
mental, emotional, and spiritual. And we feel the need to evaluate everything
in terms of its value to us. Do our belongings, attitudes, ideas, obligations,
commitments, habits, goals, dreams, relationships, and wardrobes still
fit us? Do they suit us and our current life style? Are they flattering?
Do they please us? Do they continue to serve us? Do they feed us what
we need? Or do they drain our energy and slow us down by the amount of
maintenance that they require?
It seems to me that we spend the first half of our lives accumulating
things and the second half getting rid of them, paring our possessions
down to a manageable cache. At some point in our middle years, it is important
to take the time to catalogue what it is we have, what we have accumulated,
what we hold onto, what we have carried with us through the years, and
what we would be better of letting go of. As we face the second half of
our lives, it is prime time to check our baggage and lighten up our load.
With practice, we can distinguish which of our possessions and commitments
expresses our true desires, needs, values, and aesthetics, and which do
not. Which relationships serve us in a reciprocal manner, and which do
not. Which engagements, involvements, and assignments are fulfilling and
life affirming and which are empty busywork. “It's not so much how
busy you are, but why you are busy,” The writer Marie O'Conner reminds
us. “The bee is praised; the mosquito is swatted.”
A thorough house cleaning, internal as well as external, is a fabulous
way to delineate the purpose of our lives. Letting go of the inessential
creates an elegant order to our existence. An orderly house always seems
like the invitation to a fresh start, which is why so many cultures incorporate
a thorough house scrubbing, a clean sweep, as it were, as well as an internal
ablution in their New Year’s rituals. Our messy thinking and sloppy
habits come more easily into focus when our surroundings are tidy and
beautiful and filled with only what is meaningful, so that we can release
them, as well.
When we clear out the non-essentials, we make space for ourselves to grow
and expand to fill the void. With the chaff, the distractions, and dirty
corners of our environments and minds cleared away, we can better see
the structure of our lives, the foundations of our support, the bare bones
that comprise our true Selves, and dedicate ourselves to living a more
authentic life.
House Cleaning
From the Inside Out:
• Throw out, re-cycle, or donate one thing every day. This is a great
practice in claiming what is important to you and discarding what is not.
• Spend an evening in the closet playing dress up. Get rid of everything
that that doesn’t fit your figure or your evolved Self-image.
• Eliminate one food from your diet that you know you should not
eat. When you get used to living without it, eliminate one more.
• Send all of the novels that you know you will never re-read to
a school or hospital library. And that pile of magazines, too.
• Clean out your paper and computer files, your address book, old
correspondence, and tax records. How much of that clutter is really relevant
any more?
• Do the same with your medicine cabinet and cosmetic drawers. How
many of the products crammed in there merely mask superficial symptoms
and flaws rather than enhance your essential strength and beauty?
• Remove yourself from situations and relationships that no longer
nurture you. Refuse what does not interest you.
• Monitor your thoughts, and edit the negative, Self-derogatory ones
in mid-stream. Eliminate stinking thinking.
• Reduce stress through yoga, exercise, breathing techniques, warm
baths, sex, music, art, and meditation.
• Eliminate the accumulated toxins in your body by fasting occasionally.
When we slough off the old, like a snake shedding its skin, or a butterfly
its cocoon, we emerge renewed and energized!
Excerpted
with permission from, The Queen of My Self, published by
Monarch Press (January 2005), MonarchPress@aol.com
Donna Henes, Urban Shaman and contemporary ceremonialist (affectionately
known as Mama Donna), is the author of numerous books, a CD and a quarterly
journal. She lectures worldwide and works with individuals and groups
to create personally relevant rituals for all of life’s transitions.
Contact: Mama Donna’s Tea Garden & Healing Haven, P.O. Box 380403,
Exotic Brooklyn, NY 11238-0403. (718) 857-1343, www.Donna-Henes.net
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