This time of year, the end of summer, Back to School time, often makes me nostalgic and perhaps even melancholic– a time of endings and beginnings. There certainly have been a lot of old memories surfacing for me lately.

This past month or so, besides being extremely active on many fronts, I’ve been moving and closing up the former main office for Creations. After almost 19 years, the main office has now shifted back to Long Island. With still quite a few files and boxes left to sift through, I’ve already filled at least 14 recycling bags. I’ve gone through financial records, photos and stories that have come in to us, the original "boards" (the hard copies of each page that the printer works from) from back issues for 15 or more years; class registration lists and course descriptions from events at the old InnerLight Center in Roslyn, some going back to 1987; even some records and early advertisements from when I first started Dreams East back in 1981!

Some stuff I look through quickly and recycle, some brings back warm memories and goes into a pile to spend more time with later. And some will be filed somewhere special, under “too precious to discard.” Going through this has provided an amazing retrospective of my adult life. Sometimes I’ve found myself so flooded with varying emotions that it’s been almost too much. I realize now that I’ve shut down some– shut down my feelings– to find safety and comfort in my head.
Shutting down has helped me to get through this extremely demanding transitional period of helping Neil and Andrea get their feet on the ground with running Creations. They have done very well, busting their butts to learn the publishing business. They’ve been finding out how Creations has worked during its first 18 1/2 years, while bringing some of their own new ideas and strengths to improve it. After another issue or two, they’ll hardly need me for day to day operations, and I’ll be more of a consultant, editor and basically, employee. But this first issue has been the hardest part, for all of us.

Now that it is ready to print, I’m looking forward to slowing down, and letting my heart gently and gradually start expanding again. It’s not like it’s been totally closed, just not as open as I’m used to it being, nor as much as I like it to be– with Connie, the other close people in my life, and especially with myself– a huge price! The more open my heart is, the more present, the more emotionally available I am. I’m also more patient, more passionate, more playful and fun to be around– more celebratory. I’m also more connected– to fellow humans, nature and to myself. This helps me to be more trusting of the "universe’s perfection," less afraid in the present moment and about the future.

Opening my heart makes me less afraid– even about the very questionable paths George Bush, hereafter to be known in this column as Boy George, and his corporate henchmen are busy laying out for the USA and all of the future colonies of our soon to be reborn empire. I’m interested to see what directions the new HBO series, Rome, will take. Will it be a metaphor for the collapse of the USA? As our individual rights tend to dwindle while those of big corporations expand; as the gulf between the haves and have nots broadens; as the propaganda machinery set up to lull and confuse the public into ever-deeper states of fear (closed-heartedness) and sleep (unconsciousness) gets bigger and more effective; as our values and priorities sink more and more to the level of material gain and status, I see the USA’s empire falling, and the death of the American dream of freedom that its founders envisioned. But who cares? We’ll have SUVs, 300 TV channels, sit inside our air-conditioned, water-filtered homes watching nature shows while eating micro-waved low-fat pasta and talking on our cell phones, instant messaging online, and/or playing video games.

We’ll all be very busy, even if it’s just working to pay the bills for all this crap. Way too busy to have time to connect with our hearts, living very fully the path that Thoreau referred to as "lives of quiet desperation." These are just some of the prices we pay for our collectively closed hearts. And Boy George, Joseph Goebbels (oops, I mean Karl Rove,) Rudolf Murdoch, Fox News and the rest of the empire builders trust that with every bomb that goes off, whether in Iraq, Europe, the middle East or here, our fear heightens, increasing our aggressive tendencies– and our hearts close a little more.

So, I’m looking forward to taking some time, slowing down and opening my heart. In a couple of weeks Connie, our "sister" Karen and I will be heading off to the coast of Washington state. We’ll backpack into the woods. No cell phones, no TVs. Just some swimming, hiking and communing with nature, each other and the stars– reopening and reclaiming our hearts. How would your life be different if your heart was a little more open– or open at all?

A few weeks ago, John Lee presented a one-day workshop called Still Co-dependent After All These Years, which I attended. In discussing the roots of co-dependency (the ways we "give ourselves away") John talked about "The False Self" that almost everyone in our culture developed at an early age in order to survive and "succeed." Adolescents are angry because they look at people in their 20’s and 30’s and see that this is their last chance! (– until they hit mid-life and can try to reclaim their true selves again.)

Taking back my joy, laughter, celebration– creating, dancing, connecting with the natural world, are all ways I reclaim my Self– and how I open my heart. This is what I want to teach and model for others, especially young people. So, what lessons are you here to teach? And which do you need to learn?

With growing love,

Your considered comments about this or other contents are welcome at: vijay@creationsmagazine.com